Living Juicy- Procrastination
Here we are in the first week of the Living Juicy Project, and already I’ve started some pretty serious soul searching.
This week’s theme is Procrastination. According to the theme, I’m writing my first Living Juicy Project post on the second day of the year. Actually, it was pretty ridiculous. I didn’t read the first page until 11:45 last night. Is it possible to plan procrastinating? And if so, why would anyone do it? I guess if you wanted to put off some soul searching…
January 1, Procrastinating- SARK writes some tough truths; that procrastination is part of being a perfectionist and having a low self-esteem. Essentially, if you always put things off, then you never ruin anything. Unfortunately that also means you don’t get anything done.
It’s hard. I don’t want to think I have a low self-esteem. I imagine myself bold and beautiful- like a soap opera star. But that facts are, particularly around my career, I definitely procrastinate. I do research on things for months before taking action. And I’m sure I’ve missed opportunities because I’m scared to start something and have it go wrong. Like if something went wrong, that would be proof that I wasn’t supposed to do it in the first place. So I’m stopped by the phantom mistake. It doesn’t exist. The only mistake I actually make is not trying anyway.
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January 2, Identifying Procrastination- According to SARK, some of the symptoms of procrastination are over-eating and over-sleeping. I’m sure I could add to that over-reading and over-watchingTVing.
In fact, I can even trick myself into believing my procrastinating is actually a good thing. I’m making a scarf for Person A, baking cookies for Person B, and helping Person C move. All the while, my own projects remain incomplete. But look how righteous I am? I did all these things for other people!
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It’s important to be gentle…It’s easy berate oneself for all the incomplete projects and missed opportunities. But you may have noticed, that doesn’t feel good and it certainly doesn’t help. Believe me, I spent a few pages chastising myself in my journal last night for my low self-esteem before I caught onto the the fact that I was hurting more than helping.
Right now, it’s enough just to notice and be aware. Yes, I procrastinate. Yes, that may be an indication of some things.
(Deep Breath) This is where I’m starting at. And that’s okay.
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Song to breathe by – Hard Time Killing Floor Blues by Chris Thomas King
